Stay At Home Dads: an example of subordination in ethical autonomy

 

    The image I chose is composed of two screenshots I took on TikTok, both of which are from videos under the topic #The Stay At Home Dad, which is a video theme that has turned viral in recent years. The screenshot on the left shows a messy room with children's toys and clothes scattered all over the ground. There are two unmade beds in the room and two children in pajamas. In the center of the shot, there is a subtitle saying "Day In The Life Of A Stay At Home Dad" with a crying emoji at the end. In the screenshot on the right, it shows a man holding an infant. The subtitle says "Day routine as a stay-at-home dad." These two videos, along with many other videos on this topic, depict an overturn of mainstream patriarchal gender roles that wives take care of husbands who come back from work and keep the house tidy and organized—the mothers are now bringing bread to the table while the fathers stay at home and taking care of the family. The videos usually include the fathers vacuuming and organizing the room, cooking meals, taking care of children, doing laundry, and doing grocery shopping while the mothers focus on their jobs. It usually also includes husbands doing skincare routines and going to gyms to keep fit and present their best selves to their wives.

    In her "Authority and Autonomy in Marriage," Marianne Weber discusses the different phases of power dynamics between men and women in marriage. She points out that in a long history of marriage, the woman "remained completely without rights, permanently bound, and obligated to loyalty and obedience" towards man (2003:86). Women's position in marriage is deeply socially and religiously-colored, in that by the story of paradise lost and patriarchal social norm, women do not possess full autonomy, but submit their decision-making and economic freedom to their husband's authority. Although during the modern age, women have opportunities to work and participate in politics, which develop their autonomy in certain aspects of their life, Weber argues that "for marriage, the legally protected predominance of the husband is still an indispensable form-principle" (2003:90). Reflecting on the whole history of marriage, Weber argues that an ideal marriage takes place only when both the husband and wife possess personal autonomy, which allows for spiritual growth that keeps a relationship flourish. Yet, such autonomy to Webeer does not "forbid any subordination of her will whatsoever to that of the husband" (2003: 93). Rather, she argues that one's voluntary subordination due to the better judgment and higher insight of the other person is acceptable, as it is still an action practicing autonomy.

    The "Stay At Home Dad" example fits well into Weber's concept of voluntary submission. The husbands in these families voluntarily choose to give up their economic independence and take care of the family while their wives, who are usually more capable of earning money and making decisions, work in the company. Though Weber was mostly referring to the wives in marriages rather than the husbands when she mentions voluntary submission, these husbands' choice of staying at home better portrays the 'voluntariness' and 'autonomy' of their submission. When deciding to submit to their wife, the stay-at-home husbands are fighting against the ingrained gender norm in society that men are strong, smart, rational, and should be dominant while women are fragile and emotional. The husbands are facing enormous social pressure that their actions could be perceived as "unmanly" and be looked down upon. However, it is because of their difficulty in proceeding with such submission proves their voluntariness and autonomy in taking the submissive role—they are willing to self-sacrifice no matter how many difficulties they face. It is difficult for women to make truly "autonomous" decisions as the general social environment enforces women's gender role as submissive, which makes it hard for women in marriage to distinguish whether they submit voluntarily because of their husbands' insightful decision-making, or they are brainwashed by the gender norms in society to believe in the superiority of their husbands. With husbands' submission even when there are great difficulties and societal gaze, their voluntariness is testified and can serve as a great example of Weber's subordination within ethical autonomy.

                                                                        

Works Cited

Weber, Marianne, and Craig R. Bermingham. “Authority and autonomy in marriage: Translation with introduction and commentary.” Sociological Theory, vol. 21, no. 2, June 2003, pp. 85–102, https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9558.00179.