Authority and Autonomy in Divorce: Paternal control after Marriage

 

    The picture I have chosen for this week's entry comes from an article posted by People.com. The web post tells the story of an American woman seeking guidance and clarity from her reddit community about being caught in between a parental feud. For the sake of this blog post I will refer to her as Jane. Jane is 25 years old and is experiencing the fallout of a messy divorce between her mother and father. The father had claimed that her mother cheated on him, however there was no evidence to confirm his claim, and the mother denies it. Jane shares the immense turmoil of the divorce, but focuses on one particular rule from her father: Jane and her siblings are never to meet any of her mother's future partners. Jane's dad expressed that if they develop contact with any partner they will be completely ex-communicated and cut out from the father's life and inheritance. 

    This story made me think about Marianne Weber and her perspective on authority and autonomy in Marriage. The article states that "His reasoning was that he didn’t want anyone else 'taking the role of dad'" (Vega 2025).​ The writer later states that Jane and her younger sister initially agreed to the terms in order to keep the peace, but the situation has reached its breaking point and they've changed their minds. This connects to Weber on page 91 when she states "the robust, ungarnished obedience-article that is familiar to all older statutory regimes is disguised in a politely appearing husband's decision-making authority, which nevertheless inadequately hides its unaltered fundamental character" ((Weber [1912] 2003:91). I take this quote to mean that the language surrounding marriage and the control a husband has over the family has become more liberal and polite but the control itself hasn't changed at all. The father excuses his ultimatum by saying he doesn't want an unworthy man to assume the fatherly role and he's ultimately looking out for his daughters, but this request is no different than the tradition control a man enacted in his household pre-gender equality progress. The reason for the action is merely an excuse and an attempt to mask him displaying a show of strength and machismo that men have been awarded through patriarchy. The fact that the daughters initially agreed to this to keep the peace highlights the gendered roles that exists within the family. The daughter's knee-jerk reaction is to submit to the request, despite knowing the absurdity. The father understands and anticipates this submission which is why he's able to even make this request.

    Jane's story expands upon Webers thoughts on decision-making politics. "In the case of differences of opinion, the father decides" (Weber [1912] 2003:91). We see that this statement holds true even after the marriage has ended and the family is separate. The father feels well within his right to make this bizarre request because patriarchal systems have made him the decision maker in his family. Through ignorance and blatant sexism, the father sees no issue in maintaining this control over not only his adult children, but a woman who has no obligation to him anymore. A byproduct of father's being the decision-maker in traditional nuclear families is the delusional belief that can always can and will have the ability to. A quote that stood out to me while reading was also on page 91 where they remark "the mother's parental authority is only a fragment... minor children need only the father's consent to enter into marriage" (Weber [1912] 2003:91). Men that control the future's of their daughters while simultaneously limiting the autonomy of their partners during and after marriage only view women as a variable to be manipulated, not an autonomous being. Overall, I thought this was an interesting story that intertwines with Marianne Webers views on autonomy and authority in marriage.

Vega, Ashley. 2025. “Dad’s Bizarre Ultimatum After Divorce Leaves Adult Children Shocked.” People. Retrieved April 18, 2025 (https://people.com/dad-threatens-to-disown-adult-children-if-they-dont-honor-post-divorce-request-8782796).

Weber, Marianne. 2003. “Authority and Autonomy in Marriage: Translation with Introduction and Commentary by Craig R. Bermingham.” Sociological Theory 21(2):85–102. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9558.00179.