Divorce Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

 

This image is a still from the 2019 movie Marriage Story. It’s a rather infamous scene– Charlie and Nicole are deep in the middle of divorce proceedings, and it’s taking an emotional toll on both of them. The image shows Charlie pointing his finger angrily at Nicole, with a look of deep passion and emotion on his face. They are involved in a huge argument, both feeling hurt by the actions of the other’s legal team. Charlie screams at Nicole that he wishes that she was dead, and the scene ends with her comforting him in a puddle on the floor. Despite his vicious words, Nicole still feels a connection to Charlie and the conflict is a reminder of their passionate relationship. By the time the movie ends, the divorce has become much more amicable. They don’t end up reuniting, but they are able to negotiate their custody schedule without involving lawyers, and it is clear that there is a deep love between them. I chose this image because I think it relates to Simmel’s theory on conflict in which he states that conflict is an “integrative force” in social groups, even specifically mentioning the importance of conflict in marriages. Conflict not only allows individuals opportunities to exert their autonomy, it calls on people to come together to resolve “divergent dualisms,” assuming that both parties are ultimately working towards the goal of peace. Conflict also illuminates the necessity of reciprocity in social interactions– conflict is an exchange where each party invests in the interaction of resolving their differences.  Conflict in relationships is a part of the process of “cultivation” in which the domain of the relationship becomes clearer and more intentional. This scene from Marriage Story also illustrates the claim that Simmel makes that “the deepest hatred grows out of broken love.” Love and hate, according to Simmel, are close to each other because both involve a kind of reciprocity of passion. We can clearly see from this image how deeply the characters-- or Charlie, at least-- are feeling towards the other. They are far from apathetic, which is a sign that points to a relationship still existing there. If Georg Simmel were to watch Marriage Story, I think he would agree with the depiction that a loving couple can quickly become a hateful one, but also that beneath this hatred lies an intense and passionate social bond that conflict can serve to strengthen.